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He has known me for several years and commented on how far I've come since he's known me. He said I would never have started a conversation with a girl like that in the past!nAnother time when we were in there, she came over to clear some tables and asked me what time I was finished with work.

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Hi Mike,

I'm a 35 year old virgin. I am extremely fussy in what girls I will and won't pursue. Unlike most guys, I am not looking for lots of hot sex with different chicks, but rather I am looking for a single girl to marry. My drives are the same as any other guy, but my deeply held religious beliefs force me to be extremely fussy in my choice of mate. As I only get ONE sex partner due to my religious beliefs, she better be damn hot! Hence I don't ask many girls out. After staying a virgin for 35 years, I can't lose my virginity to just anyone you see.

Although I've yet to have any success with a girl that I want, I haven't exactly been happy in my celibacy for the last 35 years (i.e. I'm not gay or uninterested in women - though you wouldn't know it from my dating life or lack thereof). My dating history is this... I started seriously chasing girls at age 19. My philosophy WAS that if you befriend a girl first, then when once she discovers what a top bloke you are, she will have no choice but to fall in love with you (and you won't risk rejection when you finally summon up the courage to ask her out).

I value your book because it reminds me of the importance of being an alpha male. I have suspected this is the case for a while and your book really confirms this for me. The reason I believe this is because of my experiences lecturing/tutoring unive3rsity students. Although it completely drains me of energy and takes me about a day to recover from running a three hour lab, I can be an ultra-alpha male for those three hours.

You're probably wondering what question I am asking you. Well first off, I'm not quite as stupid as I sound. I do now thoroughly appreciate the fact that if you befriend a girl you will never ever end up in a romantic (i.e. sexual) relationship with her. Please Mike don't let anyone else do what I've done and spend 16 years (my entire life as a young man) obsessing with just one girl (or a series of 'the ones') spending years trying to befriend them, only to discover there is no hope of a romantic relationship with them. Because before you know it you are 35 years old and you have never been laid.

So my question is this. How come this particular girl I saw in church the other day was giving me very clear 'go' signals at first, then a "you can't have me signal", then a possible 'go' signal again?...

(Author Note: for brevity, I edited out a very lengthy passage where the writer described an encounter he had with a girl (who was with her boyfriend, of all things!...) sitting across the aisle from him at his church. He watched her every move and related her actions with a precision memory that was truly amazing, yet also a bit disturbing in it's detailed clarity.)

...I'll keep my eye out for her again, I don't think I have the guts to approach her cold though -- then again I am not sure that I should. I'm also somewhat mystified as to why she did anything at all, as I assume she only saw me for a few seconds before she started flirting. I suspect it may have been the way I boldly and confidently walked up and across the front rows to find a seat in the middle of the service (but at an appropriate break in this service) in a way that said I'm the shit and I don't care if I am disturbing you other guys here. Or maybe she has previously had her eyes on me?

Robert, Australia

Hi Robert,

Okay, first, the virgin thing has definitely messed up your view of women. You have set such high standards for the woman "worthy" of your deflowering that finding a match is getting to be impossible. Your quest for the Holy Grail of Perfect Pussy is set to become pure Greek tragedy. I fear you are poised to shuffle into old age at this rate without ever getting any real trim. I know you have strong religious beliefs, but I think you've distorted them. By that I mean you seem to be using your church involvement as a means to find women to obsess over instead of a purely spiritual exercise.

And obsess you do. These long drawn out friendships that you persist in trying to turn into love affairs are an impossible chore, and let me tell you why. Everything about seducing women -- EVERYTHING -- has to do with the impression that you make on her AS A MAN within the first 90 seconds of meeting her. You read that right... 90 seconds! I try to drum this into guys over and over again who try this futile friends first route to seduction. It doesn't work. A woman decides within 1 to 2 minutes of first meeting a man if he's the sort of guy who could ever possibly become her lover. She may eventually come to be turned off by you, but if you don't make this immediate dominant male first impression on her you will get categorized as friends-only in her mind AND YOU WILL STAY THERE FOREVER! It is impossible to seduce her because she cannot change this impression of you. It gets branded on her brain, so to speak.

This is why I tell guys to give up on these failed missions they're on and use the methods in the book to go out and find fresh meat that you can get off on the right foot with. NOW you have a chance!

Secondly, the descriptions you're giving me of how the women in this church social network you belong to are reacting to you is disturbing. In particular (and this is a good example of your obsession) the story you told of the girl in the church with her boyfriend and the way she was smiling at you and giving mixed signals, etc. (The way you observed and committed to memory every little detail of her movements is what I mean about your obsessive watching and ruminating about these women. It all stems from the fact that you've never been laid!). This behavior sounds to me like teasing, and with a cruel edge.
Here's what I think... because of all you past failures and prolonged "working on" of so many different women, you have become something of a joke in this social circuit. Women talk -- and they have marked you as a LOSER. Now they've taken to leading you on just for laughs. I'm sure what she said to her boyfriend before going into her act was something like... "Hey, there's Robert, watch me get him all hot and flustered, what a pisser!..."

You've become something like the class nerd who is the butt of endless pranks and cruelty.

Here's my two part advice to you:

1) Go to the nearest pub, crack open a few Foster's, break all your personal (disempowering) rules and get laid by the worst pig that you can find! I'm serious. Forget all this high minded shit about the perfect woman for you. Your lack of any real sexual experience has caused you to place women on such a pedestal that you can't relate to them normally. You need to "de-idolize" women in your mind or you will never be able to act in such a way as to make any of them feel attracted to you. And the long drawn out friends thing is a total waste of time and energy. You need to understand what it's like to REALLY be intimate with a woman and stop IMAGINING what it's must be like.

2) Forget about using this church society as a meeting ground for women. You have totally poisoned this particular well -- forever. As soon as any new girl joins up, I'm sure it isn't long before the other girls corner her and clue her in on what they probably think of you. And it isn't flattering. In this network you have become the "class clown" and cannot function as a real man despite your best efforts.

I think you would be better off working your university/teaching circle to find women (some of the other teachers, perhaps?) as you seem to have an opportunity to project more authority and power in this setting. Even some of the students may be fair game -- so long as you keep your approach classy. Read the book.

I hope you don't find this all too harsh, but sometimes a guy needs a good kick in the teeth to set him straight (good thing you're a half-a-planet away, as you could surely kick my ass!). I only mean to help. Hey, let me know if I'm right or wrong in my assessment here. And if you disagree, then tell me why.

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